Monday, March 12, 2018

Shoved Another Direction Part 1

I met a guy two weeks ago....

No, matchmaker friends, this isn't a romance journal.

I was filling in extra hours at a nursing home in Jacksonville, NC, about an hour from home all week. On the way home, on Tuesday evening, my car decided to blow a tire in Hubert. Hubert is podunk and without much shopping civilization. Unfortunately, it was coming close to 6pm and most places were closing even in Jacksonville.

Most people would assume that I'm level-headed, calm, collected, and know my business, under stressful situations--at least, I like to think you think that.

Panic and an automatic call to Daddy is more my reality. Throw in a regretted curse word or two, groveling for help, and bouts of stupidity in conversation with Dad to complete my hysteria. Dad said he was too far away of course..."call triple A or your credit card", he says. "Be an adult, handle it."

Ok, fine!

In that split second though, I realize I'm going to have to act professional on the phone to the credit card company (they provide roadside assistance) and so I change my tone with Dad and say, "I love you, thank you" in the most sweet, pitiful voice.

During Daddy convo, I had already pulled over to a small strip mall with a big warehouse that reads "Oriental Marketplace". There were two places open out of the mostly abandoned storefronts--a print shop and a church. I stepped into the print shop first to get away from the traffic noise for a call to my Delta card and get an address in this middle of nowhere. The clerk was busy and seemed annoyed when I walked in on my cell phone. Ok, step out it is.

Next up.

Can I just say that strip mall churches have always rubbed me uneasy? Can't pinpoint why.

I still needed an address and the guy from Delta was starting to give me money figures that I don't like the sound of. I started debating how much time I could change the tire to spare tire all by myself or maybe I'll walk into the creepy church. Free labor, right?

Naturally, this is what a church is for...

Kidding aside, In that moment I was grateful and humbled that when I opened that door those two men seemed already alert as to why I was in their parking lot and asked immediately if I needed help. All my anxiety and my miserly calculations dissipated. As they are starting to help me, the guy on the phone gave me one last, actual useful information, that Sam's Club was the only place still open and about to close in a half hour. Therefore, I told him I no longer needed Delta's roadside service.

David and David came out and changed my tire to spare tire within 5 minutes.

Two Davids. That's confusing for telling a story. I would distinguish them by saying "tall and skinny" and "short and stout", but if they end up reading this, I'm going to catch flack. I'll refrain from calling short-n-stout Mr. Carl Winslow...

Whoops.

So, tall-n-skinny David says his friend is preaching on Sunday and decides to invite me after bragging about short-n-stout.

I took them up on it....


Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Internal Hurricane!

News! News! A Storm is a brewing.

A hurricane?

Wow.
Entertaining to hear the frantic spiels of newcomers to Eastern North Carolina.

The Sky is falling! Gather your nuts, young squirrels!


Introduction of a drama queen and a local:
















Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Possessed

There are some things in this world that happen that just seem illogical, impossible, mythological, or just plain nut job.

I'd throw being possessed by the devil in that category, despite my strong belief in the Bible. Some of those stories just seem slightly over imaginative to my naturally cynical mind.

I mean, How many people have you met that were possessed by the devil?

And don't say, "Your Mom".
Or Your own mother...

Serious here. Really? The Devil.

I can make some crazy sound affects--I'm quite talented actually, but I can't fake the devil's noises.

I had no clue what that sounded like...
Until...

My last year of college.
Man, You learn so much at college.

Yes, One of five catholics on campus; I know about garlic and vampires, and holy water can melt anything evil and pop the suckers into thin air.

Who am I kidding?!
I was horror struck and yet amused when I walked into my 8man suite to hear from 6 girls barricading the bathroom door, "Don't go in there, funny noises are coming out of there."

"Hmm, that's not uncommon", I say.

"No, Lindsey is talking in strange voices on the toilet; it's not her at all.", Sally says.

Are you telling me what I think you're telling me?

"Wait, what? I want to hear; that is so cool. Let me get my cross and some holy water.", I say.

I proceeded to extend my ear through the bathroom wall, but the praying warrior freaks (aka: SEU RAs) came to the rescue.


Sometimes, I wish I could sound like a babbling baboon when I pray too. They spoke intimidatingly fast and furious; loud and ferocious--they scared us all into our bedrooms.

Couldn't stop the roommate and I for very long!

We took up the Cross! Literally.

And we went around praying in every room (made an X on the bathroom door). I pretended I had holy water and robotically sprinkled it on all the beds. Don't want a devil in our beds...

The whole time, I couldn't stop thinking...
Why, How tragic! The devil possessing you while sitting on a toilet!

Opportune time, I guess.

Some might think it was a bad case of diarrhea or Salmonella.

In this case, I had my doubts about her sanity in the first place.

But when I heard her--I knew it was the Devil.
No Denying it.
She was Possessed.
And did I mention?
On the Toilet?

I don't know what happened to the Devil; I didn't see it go into a horde of swine, but it was gone in a few hours.

I fell asleep to the incessant praying RAs.

The possessed girl went home forever. And we got a new suitemate.

No more Toilet Ghosts of "Christ"mas Past.

Beware, the Devil is out there. Next time you're on a toilet; I'd say a prayer...