Sunday, May 20, 2018

Don't Speak.

No doubt. Don't Speak. One of my favorite songs.

So what, you say.

Today it matters because of a Nation wide fundraiser for ALS awareness and research called Don't Talk-a-Thon 2018.

Instead of just one hour though, I'm doing an entire day.

Now, I've done silent retreats, stuck in a retreat center with a handful of people around doing the same exact solemn, reflective, religious act, but this was different and extremely emotional so far.

I love Sundays because I get to socialize and SING at church with people I have grown friendships with. This morning I had to stop conversations and "How are you's" with a weird look of "I can't answer back" and a handout I personally made of why I'm not talking. I specifically only handed it out to the people who spoke to me. I'm not sure that I'll raise much money, but it was moving enough to see people read my flyer and give a look of understanding and sympathy and sometimes a hug.

I'm not sure I've ever felt the power of worship songs (or the service itself) the way I did this morning not being able to sing and the words stuck in my head that "He came to love, heal, and forgive"

Or the verse:

And then one day, I'll cross the river,
I'll fight life's final war with pain;
And then, as death gives way to victory,
I'll see the lights of glory and I'll know He lives.

I stood and imagined not being able to sing every church service, or not being able to speak encouraging words to people, or speak to my patients, etc.  Most of all though, I feel regret and sorrow for not having more interactions with my Aunt throughout my life and even since the diagnoses--distance being no real excuse.  I visit her next week and I can't help but to think this may be the last time I see her, especially as I pass the graveyard on my bike ride to and from church this morning. How do you really say goodbye to a person without saying goodbye directly?

My emotions and thoughts are all over the place today. I wish it were easy to organize and that I was capable of telling you something significant and meaningful, perhaps joyful and life changing. I leave you with a simple request for prayer for my Aunt (and my visit next week) and a consideration
towards donating to ALS research.

Donate here:    https://fundraise.projectals.org/fundraiser/1458032